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The fact that it has taken me this long to write my first entry shows that I was probably overthinking this whole thing.   I think it was this month’s topic that kind of got me all up in arms.  When I got the topic I started thinking what in the world can I say about love.  I am not married, not dating, I don’t have any children or pets and I’m finding myself at a time in life when half of my friends are getting divorced and the other half are getting married.  Then the more thought about it (by thought I mean obsess) I kept finding myself in the same place… My current state of dealing with my last go ‘round in the love machine.

The last time I fell in love was Friday June 4, 2010 somewhere between the hours of 8pm and Midnight.  No, I am not joking and yes, I do know the date and timeframe (judge away). In fact, I remember that night as if it was yesterday.  I remember how those four hours seemed to go by in four minutes.   We attended a black-tie fundraiser and I’d been extremely nervous the entire week. After all, it was the first time we’d been out together around our mutual friends. But when I saw him that night all the nervousness disappeared and nothing and no one mattered.

Now for all the guys (and some of women) reading this I am so not one that falls easily for anyone. Nor was this a schoolgirl crush (mostly because I am literally way too old for such a thing).   I actually (for the first time in my adult life) could see us together for the long haul.  I don’t know if I actually wanted to marry him but I know that I didn’t want to be with anyone else.   I wasn’t and I am not one of those women that is just looking for a husband or someone to take care of them. I am very selective about the people in my world because like everyone in my life, I am a special person, my time is valuable and I only care to spend the moments I have in this life with people I love, trust and care about and they feel the same way about me. Heck, I don’t even have a link for people to add me as a friend on Facebook.  That is how selective I am about the people in my life and even the people who are my friends on Facebook don’t have access to my entire online life.

I’d been single (not dating) for a long time and I ‘d always been fine with it.  I have a wonderful family and carefully selected friends (not people I know, I mean friends) so life was grand. But somehow, it happened I fell in love and I fell hard. I fell in love with a man who by all accounts is/was one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. Even though the dynamic of our relationship has drastically changed since the night I fell in love I still think he is a wonderful person (for the most part) and I still love him.   There was something about him that just made me so comfortable…more comfortable than I’d ever been with anyone EVER.  Everything seemed so perfect even when it wasn’t…

We both love music, sports, share similar views on politics, quality of life didn’t hurt either.   Apparently, the only thing we didn’t share similar views on was each other and our relationship (sadly this isn’t a joke).   Now I won’t go into the details about how it all changed because it really doesn’t matter.  I will say we BOTH made some mistakes.  There were things that happened that I made a conscious decision to ignore and thinking back that may have not been the smartest thing but it is what it is and I can’t change it.  To be honest and to bring this whole thing full circle as much as I’ve gone through since we made the decision to limit our interaction with one another (he’ll say I made the decision), I wouldn’t change anything (except for us not being together).  Everything I did and said was out of the love I had/have for him.  I took a chance with giving my heart to someone whom I felt deserved it and yes, I am still trying to get it back (which is easier said than done).

There is nothing certain when it comes to love, this goes with family, friends and significant others.   Anytime we fall in love, we’re taking a chance, there is a chance it’ll work, and there is a chance it won’t.  Unfortunately, for me it didn’t work and it has been a difficult dealing with the drastic shift in our relationship but I learned so much about myself that sometimes (only sometimes) it made falling in love worth it.  After all, there is nothing greater than LOVE.

According to 1 Corinthians 13:13, there are three things that will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

I have faith that our bond is stronger than words and can overcome any obstacle.

I have hope the promises we made to one another, to always be strong when the other is weak will always stand.

 And, I have more love for you than words can say and gestures could ever show.

Until next time…

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Labels Labels Labels, they’re tricky I tell you.  When we’re kids, we could care less about them it’s when we get older that we start to allow labels to dictate who we will and who we won’t get to know.   You know how we label people without even knowing it…she’s cute, he’s smart, she’s selfish, or he’s autistic.  Yes autistic is a label.  Why would you say it’s a label if the person is actually autistic?  Good question!  The same way a pretty girl is pretty but she constantly is saying there’s more to her than her pretty face.  She’s probably smart, funny, and a talented dancer…but all people accept her for is the fact that she’s pretty.   Pretty has become a label, it’s a positive label but she’d prefer that people go beyond that label and get to know her.

Labels sometimes allow people to take the easy way out.  They kind of allow a person to say…Instead of getting to know you, I’ll trust what this label says and then decide whether or not I want to put forth the effort.  Sounds harsh but it’s true.  I wish people could push past the label and get to know the individual.  Autism doesn’t diminish creative, smart, funny, and talented.  All of those things still exist in an autistic person but if you can’t get past “autistic” you’ll never know.   When it comes to autism, there are so many people that don’t understand it.  The individual is on a spectrum, it’s a wide range that goes from mild to severe.  So you can have individuals on medication and some that aren’t, you can have some that have speech and some that don’t, you can have some that are able to socialize with their peers and some that aren’t…..but all are autistic.  So you see, you need to know the person to know where they are on the spectrum.   But that means going beyond the label.

When observing my daughter at school, I see a lot of the children doing just that….looking beyond the label.  One day I was picking my daughter up from latchkey and normally my daughter is on the computer while everyone else is doing something else.  And when I come, the children announce my presence by yelling to my daughter “your mommy’s here!”  So on this day, after the announcement was made my daughter got off of the computer and began getting her coat and backpack.  As she was putting on her coat, one little girl came up to her and said “here, you’re invited to my party” and she handed my daughter an invitation.  Now just seeing that, I thought it was cute because she’s accepting that my daughter’s not going to be the most social and she might not even say anything to her…but she still wants her to come to her party.  We can learn a lot from our children.  Make an effort to go beyond the label and get to know the individual.

Here’s the invitation…

I sometimes wonder, how would it be if I never existed?  Weird huh? But, it’ll make you think.  Seriously, think about it.

I wondered what happened if my mom never met my dad or if my mom decided, dare I say it, abort me! (:o)  Reality is, those are valid questions.  Am I right?  It is what it is.  So, now…how would it be if I never existed?  Let’s do a run down shall we?

  1. I would have missed out on two of the GREATEST parents ever!
  2. My brother wouldn’t have a sister like me.
  3. My children wouldn’t have ever been born.
  4. In my Willie Nelson voice, “To all the men I loved before” wouldn’t have had a chance to love an awesome person like me! Yeah, I am pretty awesome! WOOT!
  5. My friends wouldn’t have had a friend like me.
  6. My church would have been one less of a fantastic worker!
  7. My jobs wouldn’t have progressed as much.
  8. My high school alumni association wouldn’t have a hard working board member that kicks behind on every task!
  9. Campaigns would have been won!
  10. Those who wanted to commit suicide just might have.
  11. Those who needed money might not have gotten it when they needed it.
  12. Those who needed someone to talk to wouldn’t have had someone at that time.
  13. Those who needed a place to stay because they had no where else to go may have been homeless.
  14. I wouldn’t have lupus.
  15. I wouldn’t be an auntie.
  16. I wouldn’t be here to help those who are ALWAYS needing help…FOR FREE! LOL
  17. I wouldn’t be here to piss some people off! LOLOLOL
  18. I wouldn’t be here to make people laugh when they needed.
  19. I wouldn’t be here to console those who needed it.
  20. I wouldn’t be typing this.

Wow, the list can go on!  But because of God’s purpose for my life, He blessed my mom and dad with their first child together and allowed her to be born LaShawnda Denise Wrice.  I was daddy’s little girl and mama’s bestfriend and homie, even till this day.

As I sit here and type this, tears are building up in my eyes. Why? Because when I look back over my life, I have had some awesome experiences and I continue to have many memorable moments.

The moments I cherish the most is with my family.  I look forward to seeing my daughters. I can tolerate my brother…. sometimes. LOLOL But I love him to pieces.  And I look forward to hanging out with my bestfriend and homie every weekend, my mama!

I often wonder how would it have been to have my dad alive, especially now.  Man, it would have been some good times and I am sure some not so good, but what life is perfect?  He was my bestfriend and what time he was on this earth, he instilled so much in me that to this day, I still tell everyone about my dad.  He is still in my heart and I miss so much.

Ok, kinda went off the wagon there for a moment. 🙂

All in all, we are all here for a reason and whether you were born with both parents or one, you have a purpose on your life. You are here for a reason. You were born because someone loved you!  IF you were adopted, you were so loved, that your mom wanted what was best for you.  I know, sounds cliche’, but it’s the truth.  Trust me, I know.

Love is what got me here.  Love is what I give and show daily.  Love is what I love to receive.  And because of love, I AM HERE!

LaShawnda
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