Who Am I… Today?

Who Am I… Today? That’s a question I often ask of myself or have submitted to friends I’ve been  in conversation with lately. As a 40+ year old, wife and mother of four, I can often forget who I am. I often have to acknowledge that the person I was 20yrs , two years ago, 2 months ago and even 2 days ago are not the same person TODAY! 

It’s hard to face the reality that change will occur, most importantly it’s inevitable. The beauty is that once we embrace the change, new found revelations arise. But the hard part is to begin the process and walk out the new change and adjustment.  

Lately, there has been A LOT of change happening in my life. It’s been so much change I had to really ask myself if something is wrong with me. There HAS to be something wrong with me… I’m doing SOMETHING wrong,  seriously. Things are coming at me from so many angles. I can’t seem to catch a wave at my back, not taking me under face forward.  Welp, interesting enough, I started therapy again going on a month now. I needed to speak with a professional other than my friends and husband. Literally, in my first session I was like here is a run down of all the things happening. My therapist then replied, “ I was going to give you a pop quiz, but this is better,” and chuckled a little.  After going into my third week, my therapist stated that though she hasn’t finished my intake, she has come up with a pretty good diagnosis for me”. She stated that everyone HAS to be diagnosed with something when seeking therapy…. Mine, Adjustment Disorder in the alignment with Depression and Financial Strain and Unresolved Issues with Grief. She then asked me, how does that sound? My reply, it tracks. I then said, no one likes labels when it comes to therapy, but this one… it aligns. She then said ok and we proceeded forward. 

So, I ask the question again, “Who Am I.. Today?” Today I’m a wife, a mother, a career woman trying to find the normal in her life due to so many adjustments. Trying to find stability with some ripples, but nothing to the point where I’m drowning. I have to remind myself that, GOD knew ALL of these moments in my life would occur. HE knew that this moment would bring me here. I remembered writing in a blog space was another form of therapy, but also providing transparency for those who also feel like they’re “alone” when in actuality they’re not. I’m here to remind you that who you are today, will not be the person you will be in two days because maybe that glimmer of hope or that sigh of relief, that door of opportunity will open up, changing what you think is a new result. But in the end, it was all a part of GOD’s plan, even though we can’t see it… We WIN in the end. We just have to stay focused even if we do change who we are.  

So right now… today… I’m allowing myself to just BE.