Forgive Yourself

As a wife and mother, you never realize how often you have to forgive yourself. For example, yesterday was the first day of school for our older three. Wait, let me rewind and set the stage.

(Que- Black Star Instrumental) Hello, I’m a 35yr old, Brown Skinned Lady, I’ve been married almost 11yrs (Oct. 2005) to my awesomely geeky husband. I have four beautiful, intelligent boys (12, 8, 5, 1). I’m born and raised in the 313.  If you would have asked my 17yr old self would I be married with four children by 35, I probably would have said, “yes” with some variations (music fade out).

I’m a career mom and an entrepreneur when I have time. Being me isn’t easy. Many people ask me “I don’t know how you do it”? My response, “the Holy Spirit,” like if I was to take an outer body experience and look at myself, I would probably want to commit myself. Like, literally in today’s society, it’s a lot to take on.

So back to my original story…. first day of school. I set my alarm the night before for 5:30am. My kids were all in bed. As I set my alarm, I thought to myself, I won’t be there for the first day of school. How does a mother not make it to the first day of school? I mean I’m, a working mother who had a pressing call at 8:30 a.m. The question would be, “couldn’t you have pushed your meeting back? The answer, No.  In all my 12yrs of parenting, I have NEVER missed a first day of school. However, that day had come.

When I think about it, I think of the words of one of my directors said during a meeting, “It’s not work, life, balance” it’s more like “work, life, compromise”. Well, today was a compromise. A compromise, which I also had to forgive myself after it’s all said and done.

I have to forgive myself for being a career mom. I have to forgive myself for actually liking my career and even the times it takes me out of town. I have to forgive myself, for not being there all the time and as attentive as I should. However, I can’t fully say I’m mad at myself though. I am living my best life right now. I’m living the life I’ve always wanted, a home in a historic Detroit neighborhood, working for one of the largest auto companies, I’m well educated and I have four brown boys that keep me alive. Most importantly, I’m married to my best friend and he supports me in everything I do. Can you say WINNING!?!?

Forgiving one’s self is cyclical. There will always be something the makes us think you’re not enough and you can always do more/better. The key to all of this is no matter what, this too shall pass. We have to forgive, dust your shoulders off**jay-z** and keep it moving. Because you know what? There is still so much life to live and as for me… I’m going to live my life to the fullest.

Constance Thomas is married to Kristopher Thomas and they have four boys Khamani, Dylan, Chase and Levi. She currently works in Diversity Marketing for General Motors. You can follow her on Twitter: @Only1ConnieT