The fact that it has taken me this long to write my first entry shows that I was probably overthinking this whole thing. I think it was this month’s topic that kind of got me all up in arms. When I got the topic I started thinking what in the world can I say about love. I am not married, not dating, I don’t have any children or pets and I’m finding myself at a time in life when half of my friends are getting divorced and the other half are getting married. Then the more thought about it (by thought I mean obsess) I kept finding myself in the same place… My current state of dealing with my last go ‘round in the love machine.
The last time I fell in love was Friday June 4, 2010 somewhere between the hours of 8pm and Midnight. No, I am not joking and yes, I do know the date and timeframe (judge away). In fact, I remember that night as if it was yesterday. I remember how those four hours seemed to go by in four minutes. We attended a black-tie fundraiser and I’d been extremely nervous the entire week. After all, it was the first time we’d been out together around our mutual friends. But when I saw him that night all the nervousness disappeared and nothing and no one mattered.
Now for all the guys (and some of women) reading this I am so not one that falls easily for anyone. Nor was this a schoolgirl crush (mostly because I am literally way too old for such a thing). I actually (for the first time in my adult life) could see us together for the long haul. I don’t know if I actually wanted to marry him but I know that I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I wasn’t and I am not one of those women that is just looking for a husband or someone to take care of them. I am very selective about the people in my world because like everyone in my life, I am a special person, my time is valuable and I only care to spend the moments I have in this life with people I love, trust and care about and they feel the same way about me. Heck, I don’t even have a link for people to add me as a friend on Facebook. That is how selective I am about the people in my life and even the people who are my friends on Facebook don’t have access to my entire online life.
I’d been single (not dating) for a long time and I ‘d always been fine with it. I have a wonderful family and carefully selected friends (not people I know, I mean friends) so life was grand. But somehow, it happened I fell in love and I fell hard. I fell in love with a man who by all accounts is/was one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. Even though the dynamic of our relationship has drastically changed since the night I fell in love I still think he is a wonderful person (for the most part) and I still love him. There was something about him that just made me so comfortable…more comfortable than I’d ever been with anyone EVER. Everything seemed so perfect even when it wasn’t…
We both love music, sports, share similar views on politics, quality of life didn’t hurt either. Apparently, the only thing we didn’t share similar views on was each other and our relationship (sadly this isn’t a joke). Now I won’t go into the details about how it all changed because it really doesn’t matter. I will say we BOTH made some mistakes. There were things that happened that I made a conscious decision to ignore and thinking back that may have not been the smartest thing but it is what it is and I can’t change it. To be honest and to bring this whole thing full circle as much as I’ve gone through since we made the decision to limit our interaction with one another (he’ll say I made the decision), I wouldn’t change anything (except for us not being together). Everything I did and said was out of the love I had/have for him. I took a chance with giving my heart to someone whom I felt deserved it and yes, I am still trying to get it back (which is easier said than done).
There is nothing certain when it comes to love, this goes with family, friends and significant others. Anytime we fall in love, we’re taking a chance, there is a chance it’ll work, and there is a chance it won’t. Unfortunately, for me it didn’t work and it has been a difficult dealing with the drastic shift in our relationship but I learned so much about myself that sometimes (only sometimes) it made falling in love worth it. After all, there is nothing greater than LOVE.
According to 1 Corinthians 13:13, there are three things that will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
I have faith that our bond is stronger than words and can overcome any obstacle.
I have hope the promises we made to one another, to always be strong when the other is weak will always stand.
And, I have more love for you than words can say and gestures could ever show.
Until next time…