Tag: love

Family, Marriage, Self Care

The Birth of a New Year

Michelle Niemi

One of my first thoughts when I woke up this morning was that I’ve been actively dreaming about my father quite a bit. It comes as no surprise, having lost him unexpectedly this past October. The part that IS surprising is that I don’t often dream about people I know. Or when I do, I don’t always see their faces, I just know that it’s them in my dream. But Dad has been showing up for me lately, and perhaps that’s just a really good way for me to work through my grief. It’s been comforting to hear his voice.

The next thing I thought about was that I am no longer 56, that my actual birthday had come and gone in January and I was now 57. It would be the first of many milestones without my parents. As I approach the anniversary of my mother’s death, I make a mental decision not to accommodate the anniversaries of my parents’ deaths in my head going forward. I know when they both died, and my brain should be able to do the math of how many years it’s been endured. I refuse to let a date of death to be a marker that I wallow in grief.

Once I got past the delicate beginnings of my morning and sat down with a cup of coffee, I began to look at the birth of this new year. Most mornings I sit in solitude, drink my cup of joe, perhaps read a positive affirmation or two, play my daily Wordle, and watch the news. This particular morning, I decided to forgo most of that. Definitely not the coffee, because….well I think it’s unkind to derive ourselves of all pleasure in the world. But having gotten through the brutal Michigan January and moving into February, it just seemed like a good morning to think about the year coming and what lies ahead.

The big event of the year is my daughter is getting married in the Fall. While I wish more than anything that my father could be there to see it, I feel a sense of gratitude that hers will. There’s an undeniable feeling of a light and happy spirit, knowing that these kids are not only getting married, but venturing off on what I will for now call the big adventure. More on that another time. But it feels damn good to know that I’ve successfully raised a good person, who was fortunate enough to find another good person to share her life with in this world.

Speaking of good eggs, I was lucky enough to meet one a few days after my birthday this year. In all my years of dating, and believe me it’s been a long time, I’ve been repeatedly told by well-meaning friends that your person arrives when you’re not looking for them. I never stopped wanting to find my person these past 20 years, and I would say I was kind of actively looking, but in truth I think I had just resigned myself to enjoying someone’s company now and then. I had accepted that if I hadn’t found him after all this time, he must not exist. I marveled at the people around me that were happily married or otherwise entangled with their person and wondered how they had found someone that made them feel so safe and loved. I wondered how they had found someone they could trust with their heart. It feels like I met my person. And just like my friends said, he blindsided me. I wasn’t prepared for how full my heart could feel, nor was I prepared to learn it felt different than anything I had ever felt before.

So, I look hard at the birth of this new year. It is a year of new beginnings. A new life without my parents. A new life for my daughter that now blesses me with a wonderful son, too. And this new man who has captured my heart. I approach the year softly after the previous year of grief and sorrow and remember that there is still much to be thankful for. It is okay to put down the grief of last year and move forward with my new life. It is okay to remember them with love but walk forward to the happiness that lies ahead of me.

I declare 2024 a year of love.

Self Care

Stroke of Genius: A Hilarious Guide to Bouncing Back!

LaShawnda

Life is like a game of Mario Kart – you’re cruising along, and then BAM! A banana peel called a stroke comes outta nowhere. But guess what? You’re not just any racer; you’re the one who’s about to make an epic comeback. OH YEA! Welcome to my guide to recovering from a stroke with style, humor, and a whole lot of attitude! LET’S GO!

Mind Games: Outsmarting Brain Farts

So, you’ve got this new sidekick called Brain Farts. Forgot where you left your keys? Couldn’t remember your neighbor’s name? No worries – it’s just your brain doing the cha-cha. Embrace the mental gymnastics with brain games, puzzles, and a sense of humor. It’s like flexing your mental biceps – you’ll be a mental ninja in no time.

Bod Squad: Flexing Those Recovery Muscles

Rehab, my friend, is the new gym – Stroke Gym, that is. Say hello to your personal trainer – Physical Therapist Extraordinaire. Limbs feeling like spaghetti? Time to turn them into noodles of steel. Throw in some funky dance moves, and you’ve got yourself a workout routine that’ll make even Jane Fonda proud. Yea, I said JANE FONDA! IYKYK!

Zen Zingers: Finding Inner Chill

Spiritual renewal, anyone? Meditation, journaling, yoga, or just sitting in a comfy chair contemplating the meaning of life – whatever floats your boat. Inner peace is the new black, and you, my friend, are about to become the trendsetter. DO NOT LET ANYONE MESS WITH YOUR PEACE!

Bank Breakdance: Financial Recovery Boogie

Money got you doing the cha-cha-cha? I feel you! Time to break out the financial recovery boogie. It’s like budgeting but with more pizzazz. Cut unnecessary expenses, make a game plan, and remember – you’re not broke; you’re just pre-rich. GET ON A BUDGET! It is hard in the beginning, but it gets better! Check out The Budget Babe to get a planner that will change your life!

Crew Love: Your Ride-or-Die Support System

Nobody conquers the world alone. Your squad – family, friends, and the occasional nosy neighbor – they’re your ride-or-die crew. Let them in on the joke that life threw at you, and watch how they turn your recovery into a Blockbuster comedy. Laughter truly is the best medicine. I surround myself with good authentic crazy! I love them! Get you a crew! And please, do an inventory of your TRUE friends. No one who smiles in your face and talks behind your back. I mean, not even take up for you in a room that discusses you. Just sayin’.

Life’s a rollercoaster, and strokes are just unexpected loop-de-loops. BELIEVE ME! But guess what? You’re the daredevil ready to conquer them all. Embrace the quirky, funny side of recovery in this unpredictable world. It’s not just a comeback; it’s a stand-up comedy routine starring you. Get ready to laugh, dance, and show life that strokes ain’t got nothin’ on your inner swag. You’re not bouncing back; you’re bouncing back with a mic drop. Boom!

Social

Building Trust and Intimacy in a Relationship

LaShawnda

Building trust and intimacy in a relationship is a beautiful and essential journey that requires time, effort, and genuine commitment from both partners. Trust and intimacy form the foundation of a strong and lasting bond, allowing couples to feel secure, understood, and emotionally connected. Here are some key steps to help build trust and intimacy in a relationship:

Open Communication: Honest and open communication is the cornerstone of trust and intimacy. Create a safe space for sharing thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Active listening is crucial; give your partner your undivided attention, and be genuinely interested in their experiences and emotions.

Vulnerability and Honesty: Be willing to be vulnerable with each other, sharing your fears, insecurities, and past experiences. Honesty strengthens trust, and being transparent about your thoughts and emotions fosters a deep connection.

Consistency and Reliability: Consistently show up for your partner, not just in the big moments but also in the small, everyday interactions. Be reliable and dependable, keeping your promises and commitments.

Respect and Empathy: Respect your partner’s boundaries, opinions, and choices. Show empathy by understanding and validating their feelings, even if you don’t always agree.

Shared Experiences: Engage in activities together that bring joy and build shared memories. Whether it’s traveling, cooking together, or trying new hobbies, shared experiences create a sense of togetherness.

Physical Affection: Physical touch is a powerful way to build intimacy. Hold hands, hug, cuddle, and engage in affectionate gestures that reinforce your emotional connection.

Forgiveness and Acceptance: No one is perfect, and conflicts are a natural part of any relationship. Learn to forgive and accept each other’s flaws, working through challenges as a team.

Quality Time: Set aside quality time for each other without distractions. This dedicated time allows you to deepen your emotional bond and create cherished memories.

Support and Encouragement: Be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. Support your partner’s goals and dreams, and encourage them to pursue their passions.

Shared Decision-Making: Involve each other in decision-making processes and respect each other’s opinions. Collaboration and compromise strengthen the relationship.

Express Gratitude: Show appreciation for the little things your partner does for you. Expressing gratitude fosters a sense of mutual appreciation and warmth.

Continual Growth: Embrace personal growth and encourage your partner to do the same. As you both evolve individually, your relationship will also grow stronger.

Remember that building trust and intimacy is an ongoing process. It requires patience, understanding, and a genuine desire to connect deeply with your partner. By nurturing these qualities, you can create a relationship that stands the test of time and brings joy and fulfillment to both of you. Trust me!

What are your thoughts?

Marriage, Self Care, Social

When a Man Leaves You: What to Avoid and How to Heal

LaShawnda

Breakups are never easy, and when a man you once loved decides to leave, it can leave you feeling heartbroken and lost. While it’s natural to experience a mix of emotions during this time, it’s essential to take care of yourself and navigate the healing process in a healthy way. In this blog, we’ll explore some key things to avoid and essential steps to take when a man leaves you, helping you find strength and healing in the midst of this difficult time.

Avoid Blaming Yourself:
One of the first things to avoid when a man leaves you is blaming yourself for the breakup. Remember that relationships involve two people, and it’s rarely a one-sided issue. It’s natural to feel hurt and wonder what went wrong, but internalizing all the blame can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Instead, recognize that relationships can be complex, and sometimes they don’t work out for reasons beyond your control.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve:
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused during this period. Suppressing your emotions may only prolong the healing process. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family who can lend a listening ear and provide comfort during this challenging time.

Avoid Rebounding:
Resist the temptation to jump into a new relationship immediately after a breakup. While it’s normal to seek companionship and distract yourself from the pain, rebound relationships rarely lead to genuine connections. Take the time to focus on yourself and understand what you truly want from future relationships.

Cut Off Contact (at least temporarily):
While it might be tempting to stay friends with your ex, maintaining regular contact may hinder the healing process. Consider cutting off contact (at least temporarily) to give yourself space and time to move on. Constant reminders of the past can make it difficult to look forward and embrace new opportunities.

Seek Professional Support if Needed:
If you find it challenging to cope with the emotional turmoil after the breakup, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Speaking with a therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and coping strategies, helping you process your emotions and develop a healthier outlook on relationships.

Avoid Seeking Validation from Others:
Seeking validation from others to boost your self-esteem may feel like a quick fix, but it’s not a sustainable solution. Instead, focus on self-improvement and nurturing your self-worth from within. Engage in activities that make you feel happy and accomplished, whether it’s pursuing a hobby, career goals, or personal growth.

Allow Yourself to Love Again:
It’s normal to feel guarded after a breakup, but don’t let fear prevent you from opening your heart to love again. Remember that every relationship is unique, and finding the right person may take time. Be patient with yourself and the process.

Experiencing a breakup can be incredibly challenging, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. When a man leaves you, it’s crucial to avoid self-blame, give yourself time to heal and surround yourself with supportive people. Focus on self-improvement, seek professional support if needed, and remember that love will find its way back into your life when the time is right. Embrace the journey of healing, and you’ll emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before.

Social

When a Man is Wasting Your Time: Recognizing Red Flags and Taking Control

LaShawnda

In the journey of finding a meaningful and fulfilling relationship, we encounter various people with whom we hope to build something special. However, not every encounter leads to a lasting connection, and at times, we may find ourselves entangled with someone who seems to be wasting our time. While it’s essential to approach relationships with an open heart, it’s equally important to recognize when a man may not be fully committed or sincere in his intentions. In this blog post, we will explore some telltale signs that indicate when a man is wasting your time and how to regain control of your romantic life.

Lack of Consistency

One of the clearest indicators that a man might be wasting your time is inconsistency in his behavior. He may shower you with affection and attention one day, only to become distant and aloof the next. This hot-and-cold behavior can leave you feeling confused and emotionally drained, making it challenging to build trust and a solid foundation for a genuine connection.

Ambiguity about the Relationship

Another red flag to watch out for is a man’s reluctance to define the relationship. If he avoids discussing the future or constantly sidesteps any talk about commitment, it’s a clear sign that he may not be serious about a long-term relationship with you. Don’t settle for someone who keeps you in a state of perpetual uncertainty.

Prioritizing Other Aspects of Life

While it’s natural for everyone to have priorities outside of a relationship, a man who consistently prioritizes other aspects of his life over spending quality time with you may not be fully invested. If he frequently cancels plans or doesn’t make an effort to fit you into his life, it’s a signal that you might not be a significant priority for him.

Lack of Emotional Availability

For any relationship to flourish, emotional availability and vulnerability are crucial. If a man avoids opening up about his feelings or appears distant when you share yours, it could indicate that he is emotionally unavailable. It’s essential to be with someone who reciprocates your emotional investment and supports your emotional needs.

Resisting Compromise and Communication

Effective communication and the willingness to compromise are vital for any relationship to thrive. If you find that your partner consistently refuses to address conflicts or dismisses your concerns, it can lead to frustration and resentment. A man who isn’t willing to work through challenges with you may not be genuinely interested in building a healthy and lasting relationship.

Focusing on Superficial Aspects

If a man seems overly focused on superficial aspects of the relationship, such as appearance, material possessions, or societal status, it may indicate that he values shallow qualities over meaningful connection and compatibility. A relationship built on superficialities is unlikely to stand the test of time.

Taking Control and Moving Forward

Recognizing when a man is wasting your time is the first step towards reclaiming control of your romantic life. Here are some steps you can take to move forward:

Trust Your Instincts: Listen to your gut feelings and intuition. If something feels off, don’t ignore it.

Set Boundaries: Define what you want and need from a relationship, and don’t be afraid to communicate those boundaries clearly.

Communicate Openly: Have honest conversations about your expectations and feelings. If the man isn’t receptive or doesn’t respect your concerns, it may be time to reassess the relationship.

Focus on Self-Growth: Invest time in your personal development, hobbies, and interests. Building a fulfilling life outside of a romantic relationship will empower you.

Be Willing to Walk Away: Remember that you deserve a partner who values and respects you. Don’t be afraid to walk away from a relationship that isn’t meeting your needs.

Recognizing when a man is wasting your time is essential for your emotional well-being and self-worth. By paying attention to red flags and taking control of your romantic life, you can create space for a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with someone who truly appreciates and values you. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who is as committed to building a lasting connection as you are.

Social, Uncategorized

After all, there is nothing greater than LOVE

Model Dee

The fact that it has taken me this long to write my first entry shows that I was probably overthinking this whole thing.   I think it was this month’s topic that kind of got me all up in arms.  When I got the topic I started thinking what in the world can I say about love.  I am not married, not dating, I don’t have any children or pets and I’m finding myself at a time in life when half of my friends are getting divorced and the other half are getting married.  Then the more thought about it (by thought I mean obsess) I kept finding myself in the same place… My current state of dealing with my last go ‘round in the love machine.

The last time I fell in love was Friday June 4, 2010 somewhere between the hours of 8pm and Midnight.  No, I am not joking and yes, I do know the date and timeframe (judge away). In fact, I remember that night as if it was yesterday.  I remember how those four hours seemed to go by in four minutes.   We attended a black-tie fundraiser and I’d been extremely nervous the entire week. After all, it was the first time we’d been out together around our mutual friends. But when I saw him that night all the nervousness disappeared and nothing and no one mattered.

Now for all the guys (and some of women) reading this I am so not one that falls easily for anyone. Nor was this a schoolgirl crush (mostly because I am literally way too old for such a thing).   I actually (for the first time in my adult life) could see us together for the long haul.  I don’t know if I actually wanted to marry him but I know that I didn’t want to be with anyone else.   I wasn’t and I am not one of those women that is just looking for a husband or someone to take care of them. I am very selective about the people in my world because like everyone in my life, I am a special person, my time is valuable and I only care to spend the moments I have in this life with people I love, trust and care about and they feel the same way about me. Heck, I don’t even have a link for people to add me as a friend on Facebook.  That is how selective I am about the people in my life and even the people who are my friends on Facebook don’t have access to my entire online life.

I’d been single (not dating) for a long time and I ‘d always been fine with it.  I have a wonderful family and carefully selected friends (not people I know, I mean friends) so life was grand. But somehow, it happened I fell in love and I fell hard. I fell in love with a man who by all accounts is/was one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. Even though the dynamic of our relationship has drastically changed since the night I fell in love I still think he is a wonderful person (for the most part) and I still love him.   There was something about him that just made me so comfortable…more comfortable than I’d ever been with anyone EVER.  Everything seemed so perfect even when it wasn’t…

We both love music, sports, share similar views on politics, quality of life didn’t hurt either.   Apparently, the only thing we didn’t share similar views on was each other and our relationship (sadly this isn’t a joke).   Now I won’t go into the details about how it all changed because it really doesn’t matter.  I will say we BOTH made some mistakes.  There were things that happened that I made a conscious decision to ignore and thinking back that may have not been the smartest thing but it is what it is and I can’t change it.  To be honest and to bring this whole thing full circle as much as I’ve gone through since we made the decision to limit our interaction with one another (he’ll say I made the decision), I wouldn’t change anything (except for us not being together).  Everything I did and said was out of the love I had/have for him.  I took a chance with giving my heart to someone whom I felt deserved it and yes, I am still trying to get it back (which is easier said than done).

There is nothing certain when it comes to love, this goes with family, friends and significant others.   Anytime we fall in love, we’re taking a chance, there is a chance it’ll work, and there is a chance it won’t.  Unfortunately, for me it didn’t work and it has been a difficult dealing with the drastic shift in our relationship but I learned so much about myself that sometimes (only sometimes) it made falling in love worth it.  After all, there is nothing greater than LOVE.

According to 1 Corinthians 13:13, there are three things that will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

I have faith that our bond is stronger than words and can overcome any obstacle.

I have hope the promises we made to one another, to always be strong when the other is weak will always stand.

 And, I have more love for you than words can say and gestures could ever show.

Until next time…

Family, Social

I am here!

LaShawnda

I sometimes wonder, how would it be if I never existed?  Weird huh? But, it’ll make you think.  Seriously, think about it.

I wondered what happened if my mom never met my dad or if my mom decided, dare I say it, abort me! (:o)  Reality is, those are valid questions.  Am I right?  It is what it is.  So, now…how would it be if I never existed?  Let’s do a run down shall we?

  1. I would have missed out on two of the GREATEST parents ever!
  2. My brother wouldn’t have a sister like me.
  3. My children wouldn’t have ever been born.
  4. In my Willie Nelson voice, “To all the men I loved before” wouldn’t have had a chance to love an awesome person like me! Yeah, I am pretty awesome! WOOT!
  5. My friends wouldn’t have had a friend like me.
  6. My church would have been one less of a fantastic worker!
  7. My jobs wouldn’t have progressed as much.
  8. My high school alumni association wouldn’t have a hard working board member that kicks behind on every task!
  9. Campaigns would have been won!
  10. Those who wanted to commit suicide just might have.
  11. Those who needed money might not have gotten it when they needed it.
  12. Those who needed someone to talk to wouldn’t have had someone at that time.
  13. Those who needed a place to stay because they had no where else to go may have been homeless.
  14. I wouldn’t have lupus.
  15. I wouldn’t be an auntie.
  16. I wouldn’t be here to help those who are ALWAYS needing help…FOR FREE! LOL
  17. I wouldn’t be here to piss some people off! LOLOLOL
  18. I wouldn’t be here to make people laugh when they needed.
  19. I wouldn’t be here to console those who needed it.
  20. I wouldn’t be typing this.

Wow, the list can go on!  But because of God’s purpose for my life, He blessed my mom and dad with their first child together and allowed her to be born LaShawnda Denise Wrice.  I was daddy’s little girl and mama’s bestfriend and homie, even till this day.

As I sit here and type this, tears are building up in my eyes. Why? Because when I look back over my life, I have had some awesome experiences and I continue to have many memorable moments.

The moments I cherish the most is with my family.  I look forward to seeing my daughters. I can tolerate my brother…. sometimes. LOLOL But I love him to pieces.  And I look forward to hanging out with my bestfriend and homie every weekend, my mama!

I often wonder how would it have been to have my dad alive, especially now.  Man, it would have been some good times and I am sure some not so good, but what life is perfect?  He was my bestfriend and what time he was on this earth, he instilled so much in me that to this day, I still tell everyone about my dad.  He is still in my heart and I miss so much.

Ok, kinda went off the wagon there for a moment. 🙂

All in all, we are all here for a reason and whether you were born with both parents or one, you have a purpose on your life. You are here for a reason. You were born because someone loved you!  IF you were adopted, you were so loved, that your mom wanted what was best for you.  I know, sounds cliche’, but it’s the truth.  Trust me, I know.

Love is what got me here.  Love is what I give and show daily.  Love is what I love to receive.  And because of love, I AM HERE!

LaShawnda
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